1.152
yasyotsanga-sukhasaya sithilita gurvi gurubhyas trapa
pranebhyo ’pi suhrt-tamah sakhi tatha yuyam pariklesitah
dharmah so ’pi mahan maya na ganitah sadhvibhir adhyasito
dhig dhairyam tad-upeksitapi yad aham jivami papiyasi
SYNONYMS
yasya—of whom; utsanga-sukha-asaya—by the desire for the happiness of the association; sithilita—slackened; gurvi—very great; gurubhyah—unto the superiors; trapa—bashfulness; pranebhyah—than My life; api—although; suhrt-tamah—more dear; sakhi—O My dear friend; tatha—similarly; yuyam—you; pariklesitah—so much troubled; dharmah—duties to My husband; sah—that; api—also; mahan—very great; maya—by Me; na—not; ganitah—cared for; sadhvibhih—by the most chaste women; adhyasitah—practiced; dhik dhairyam—to hell with patience; tat—by Him; upeksita—neglected; api—although; yat—which; aham—I; jivami—am living; papiyasi—the most sinful ’Desiring the happiness of His association and embraces, My dear friend, I disregarded even My superiors and relaxed My shyness and gravity before them.
Furthermore, although you are My best friend, more dear to Me than My own life, I have given you so much trouble.
Indeed, I even put aside the vow of dedication to My husband, a vow kept by the most elevated women.
Oh, alas! Although He is now neglecting Me, I am so sinful that I am still living.
Therefore I must condemn My so-called patience.’
PURPORT
Srimati Radharani is speaking this verse (Vidagdha-madhava 2.41) to Her intimate friend Visakhadevi.